The Den of Iniquity

Recently I encountered an episode of The Wonder Years, a television show that was on in the late 1980's and early 1990's. To be honest I didn't watch it much at the time and in subsequent years my feelings about it are mixed. On the one hand it is both a humorous and reflective period piece that has some occasional value. On the other hand its humour is often out of bounds and reveling in Middle Class Americana is not exactly my cup of tea.

That said what struck me the other night was a shift in culture and a profound one at that. In the episode the Arnold family's daughter Karen has (while away at college) moved in with a boyfriend and the episode is about how this comes to light and the reaction on the part of the family.

This immoral 'shacking up' is almost universally accepted today even among many who profess to be Christians. And yet in the early 1970's it was still viewed as immoral by the bulk of the population. The father comes unglued and yet it was interesting to note that the 'values' he taught his children were not anchored into anything concrete. A secular family, their lives are depicted as godless, their religion little more than the values of the middle class. There's a realism to this narrative as it played out in thousands of homes across America. Likewise those seemingly solid values of the so-called 'Greatest Generation' quickly collapsed and most of the children walked away wholly or in part from the standards of their parents. Karen Arnold just happened to be on the leading edge of this. When it comes to questions of this nature the 1970's could be described as a deluge or mass defection.

Many contemporary Christian parents would be upset if their children behaved this way but few would fully embrace the values-laden response of the Arnold father. The magnitude of the transgression was revealed during lunch and his response was to break off the meal in disgust and revulsion.

The now mostly lost idea was that their house was no home but a den of iniquity, a place where decent people would not eat, the type of place you wouldn't want to expose your kids to.

How many today view such arrangements as akin to a pornography store or something unclean? How many view those who 'shack up' as deeply immoral people?

Not many.

Today's conservatives and Evangelicals have lost this kind of ire and moral umbrage. They might still disapprove but they're far more likely to shrug their shoulders rather than take a moral stand.

Today's parents are far more afraid of alienating their children and being perceived as zealots or fanatics. They're afraid of taking a stand and losing their friends.

I know of one case in which a Christian friend was lambasted by his Evangelical in-laws because he wouldn't attend a housewarming party for a Christ-professing sister-in-law who had shacked up with her boyfriend. The in-laws could not understand my friend who does not wish to expose his children to a sinful situation in which all is perceived as fine, everyone is laughing and happy... all is normal.

Because it's not normal. It's sin and in that particular case an example of apostasy. He doesn't want them to see their aunt living in gross sin and yet learn to think it's okay. He told them that he would not be attending the party and that they would not visit the sinful domicile. The family is outraged.

And yet he is absolutely correct in this and is to be commended.

I personally know of another situation in which a twenty-something daughter is living with her boyfriend. She still pretends in some capacity to be a Christian and her Evangelical mother is delusional in insisting that they have separate rooms and nothing is happening... as if that was somehow okay.

Rather than rebuke her daughter she continues to financially supplement her living, allows the boyfriend to travel home with the daughter and even stay in her house. She feeds him, buys presents and all the rest. She cannot see that the signal she is sending is one of approval. She's not happy about the situation but lives in denial and in the end is far more afraid of her daughter cutting her off... and so she sends another clear message. It's not that big of a deal.

I regret to say it but the mother should probably face church discipline as well.

The days of being ashamed of your child 'shacking up' seem to be gone but they shouldn't be. In serious conservative circles this is still rejected but the Evangelical world is caving on this and quickly at that.

But I was struck by just how strong a reaction such conduct once evoked. I remember those days and I still feel that way but once again Evangelicals for all their talk of world transformation continue to be the ones who are transformed.

The twenty-something previously mentioned is hardly alone and I know of other similar cases. What's also striking is how many professing Millennials don't seem to understand that you must marry within the faith. I know of another Evangelical family whose still professing daughter has brought home a rank pagan (to be wed) and rather than reject him, they have embraced him and the relationship.

One wonders where things will be in another generation. We know where the culture is headed but do you think the children of this generation will still be attending church?